If you know me, you know I love Catherine Deveny. Here she lists points against which you can measure your Melbournianess, which include:

• When diarising anything in September you first consult the footy fixture.

• You’ve attended a children’s party that had rice-paper rolls, cous cous salad, croquembouche and a pinata.

• You refer to rococo furniture as “very Franco Cozzo”.

• You felt betrayed when you discovered Melbourne was not the only place in the world with trams.

• You’ve looked out the window of Puffing Billy and waved like an idiot at the cars at the railway crossing. And you’ve watched Puffing Billy pass as you sat in a car at the railway crossing, and waved like an idiot.

• You think beyondblue does great work but you hate the way it makes Jeff Kennett look good. Which is depressing.

• Jon Faine shits you but you can’t switch him off.

• You pretend the Sydney-Melbourne rivalry doesn’t exist. Which it doesn’t. Because Sydney doesn’t care. And that really shits you.

• You brag Melbourne is the creative capital of Australia, but your walls are full of signed football jumpers.

• Your kid’s favourite foods are sushi, spanakopita and felafel. Which are also the names of the three kids they sit next to at school.

• If a friend gets a new boyfriend or girlfriend, your first question is, ”Who do they barrack for?”

• You lose respect for friends if they move over the other side of the river.

You Know You're a Melbournian When...

Published: Wednesday, 19th August 2009 at 7:39 PM