What the fuck is it with music these days? Whatever happened to four-four beats, a nice head-bobbing groove and lyrics that don’t have to mean anything. You know … fun. It seems every music review I read these days just bangs on about lyrics and ‘angular’ guitars (which, as far as I can tell, just means that they’ve stolen their guitar sound from the 1980s).

While I’m at it, what the fuck happened to angry music? You know, just yelling over power chords. That’s the shit us white kids are supposed to connect with, right? I guess the days of rock ‘n’ roll equalling anything resembling rebellion are well and truly over. Stratocasters might as well be harps or violas or something.

Fuck it. My relationship with eMusic is over.